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Currently browsing thread: Understanding and Helping the Anxious Petersen Feb 04, 2009 08:27:41
Understanding and Helping the Anxious
Petersen
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Feb 04, 2009 08:27:41 		All creation suffers and is eager for the time when the sons of God will be revealed. Humanity is part of creation. All of humanity, not just Christians, suffer.

Most people suffer quietly. They are ashamed of their suffering or afraid of making it worse. Think of the man whose wife has been unfaithful or who suffers from mental illness. Think of the person who is lonely and afraid he is not good looking or interesting enough to ever find a spouse. Think of the man falsely accused, of the oppressed woman afraid of losing her job, of the girl who thinks she must be loved by the boys or isn't worth anything.

Suffering is unavoidable. We live in a broken world. We suffer the consequences of our own sins. We suffer as victims of others, and we even suffer from the chaos of creation. We can't stop it. But we can alleviate it to a small degree or we can make it worse. And here comes the rub: our decisions can bring a small measure of comfort or they can complicate and increase the burden we and others carry. No decision is unimportant. If you make the wrong decision it could cost you or those you love.

This is why decisions are stressful. It is the reason a lot of us buy mutual funds instead of stocks. We are too afraid to try and figure the thing out on our own. It is also why it is so blasted hard to pick a restaurant. No one wants to do it. We are all tired of thinking and we're all afraid of making the wrong decision. So we escape into our i-pods and television, quickly flipping channels or starting the next song before the first one finishes, afraid we'll miss something. We are opposite of content.

This is a problem for all fallen men, but for those who are healthy, these are minor annoyances. Healthy people can pick a restaurant and then move on. But for some who are mentally ill every decision feels like a crisis and an enormous weight. They not only lose the perspective of which decisions are important but they are often rendered impotent by fear of making the wrong decision.

Let me say it again: if you're sick you need to get help. You should seek medical attention. Medication and therapy can make your life and the lives of your loved ones better. If you struggle over which restaurant to go to or worry about how everything you said might have been taken, get help.

If you are healthy and dealing with a sick person: calm down. Turning up the pressure, belittling them, getting angry, insisting they do something, or questioning their masculinity or rationality won't help and it certainly won't fix the problem. The solution, such as there is one and it lies in your power to help, and the person isn't a danger to himself or others and is being treated, is to relieve him of the burden as much as you can and to encourage him. If you're an elder and the pastor is afraid to make a decision, make a motion. It might fail and that might be a shame, but at least the decision is made and it is over. The pastor can then rest from the pressure and stop worrying about the best way to proceed. Some of what he needs to come to see is that the wrong decision or failure to complete his dream plan isn't as disastrous as he feared. Nothing drains a man like criticism and fear. But so also nothing energizes a man like praise.

We often hold back praise for fear of "giving him a big head." Take the risk. If he had a big head he might have the confidence to do something. Besides which, in my experience compliments actually humble a man whereas insults and criticism harden his fallen will. The same is true for co-workers, spouses, and even parents. Make some decisions for them where you can and relieve a little stress and praise them, speak kindly of and to them and watch what happens. Even if doesn't "work," you've been nice. That is not bad.

I know it is hard to compliment those we are frustrated with, and I don't claim to be particularly good at it, but that is some of what sick people need (but, again, they also need treatment). And, of course, this is how Our Lord treats us. The Law increases sin. Forgiveness creates good works. Part of how it creates good is by removing the fear of consequences.

And even if your spouse, co-worker, pastor, member, or neighbor isn't sick, praise still creates energy, and all truly good works grow out of the Gospel. Let's spread it around.  

Comments...

  • Feb 05, 2009 09:04:01 Re: Understanding and Helping the Anxious - Rob Wurst
    As one who has much suffered from this in the past and who is constantly pestered by it -- Amen!

    The only comfort we have is in our Lord Christ who has borne our anxieties and fear. The Spirit whom He sends is our Comforter and bestows "power, love, and a sound mind."

    Thanks, brother.
  • Feb 04, 2009 10:07:58 Re: Understanding and Helping the Anxious - Peter
    In the spirit of the post, let me that you are a wonderful writer, with keen insight.
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