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Sorrow Under the Skin
Jan 13, 2009 08:16:23
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Petersen Posted on: Jan 13, 2009 08:16:23 |
You don't have scratch anyone very deep to find pain and sorrow. The thing I am becoming less and less tolerant of is the arrogance of those who think their pain is unique and look down on the struggles and difficulties of others. I suppose I grow less and less tolerant of this because I recognize myself in it. I can remember seeing children throw temper tantrums in the grocery store and thinking that the parent didn't know how to discipline his child. Little did I know that one day I would be the parent without an out-of-control child being judged by the world. We all need to be reminded that there is no such thing as an easy life. We all suffer. We all struggle. "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man." That not only means that you can bear it, but that everyone is bearing the same level of stress and pain that you are. But what is asked of you is custom-made, so that what would be easy for me is hard for you and what is hard for me is easier for you. If I dare to judge you, thinking you are weak, I am the most arrogant and self-centered of men. It might appear at first that juggling two balls is easy. But uit is not easy if the person is juggling them only have one arm. Mental illness, in particular, tends to be a hidden affliction. It is also a spectrum. All of us are just a hair's breath away. And just because some of us haven't yet endured it, doesn't mean we never will. The more pastoral work I do the more mental illness I find. And I find it frequently in those who appear the most successful, who have been given the greatest natural talents or wealth, whose lives, good, and relationships are coveted by others. We all have our secret struggles, skeletons, and pain. Few of us share them with the world. Sharing yours does not give you the right to play the martyr. What you endure is unique in circumstance but common in character. I suspect that those who look like they have the world on a string are suffering the most in that they mostly suffer in secret, alone. They should not gain our contempt or jealousy, but our pity and prayers. No Christian need suffer alone. Like those who abstain from the Supper or Holy Absolution, they are denying themselves part of what the Lord would give them. For the Lord places the solitary into families. He gives us the mutual consolation of the brethren to comfort us in our sorrows. Thanks, btw, for that first line, the scratching bit, to Rev. Peter Cage of St. Paul's Lutheran Church in Ft. Wayne. |
Comments...
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Jan 14, 2009 14:51:48
Re: Sorrow Under the Skin
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Thank you so much for this instructive and compassionate post.
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Jan 13, 2009 20:31:42
Re: Sorrow Under the Skin
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Well said, Pr. Petersen! I agree with virtually everything you wrote in this post. However, I have a problem with this particular statement:
I know for a fact that there have been times in my life when I have endured much higher levels of stress and pain than at other times. Stress and pain levels rise and fall. Therefore, at any given moment we all are bearing various levels of stress and pain - not "the same level."Quote:
"...everyone is bearing the same level of stress and pain that you are."
It is certainly true that each of us bears his fair share of stress and pain, that what is easy for one is difficult for another, and that what is asked of you is custom-made and exactly what you need. If the "level" is measured by what is right for each individual, then I would agree that we all bear the same level, for we each bear exactly what we need according to God's perfect will. Perhaps that's what you meant by that statement.
However, we should acknowledge and take advantage of times when we have lower levels of stress and pain, so that we may help bear the burdens of others who may be experiencing higher levels. Acknowledging that we don't all bear the same level of stress and pain at all times is very important in that regard. Nowhere does this play itself out more than in marriage.
In addition, I'd like to say that it doesn't seem that Christians have any observable advantage over others with regard to keeping a stiff upper lip. Correct me if I am wrong, but I believe the Christian advantage is knowing to what end we suffer these things - that "all things work for good." I believe that the stress and pain of each day constitute essential ingredients of our daily bread. That belief helps me to accept these as properly dosed medicines which God ALWAYS intends to work to our benefit. -
Jan 13, 2009 09:29:13
Re: Sorrow Under the Skin
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Being by nature a self-centered person, it is hard for me to believe in my gut (even if I believe it in my head) that everyone else is suffering too. And yet, it's what the Bible teaches us. And it's also what experience teaches us when we get to know people. So I am beginning to learn that what you wrote is true.
But here's where I have the problem and where I need instruction. There are times I have had to say "no" to others' requests of me to be involved in projects. When I simply cannot do something, and I say that I'm incapable of doing that right now, I am told that "everybody has struggles, everybody is busy, everybody has pain, but WE do these things anyway, and you should too." And you know what? There is some truth to that. So when we all suffer and we all struggle and we all endure pain of our own, and we all need rest and recuperation and healing, then who is taking care of all the stuff that needs to be accomplished? And if it's often the people whose lives appear to be going swimmingly who are the ones who hurt the most, then will no one be gentle to them and take them at their word ("no, that's too much for me right now") until the poor guy crashes and burns?
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